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Getting What You Want When Dealing With Others

Everyday we find ourselves trying to get  people over to our side of a decision.  Whether it is dealing our spouses and kids, co-workers, customers, friends, or significant others, we are frequently put into situations where we are trying to persuade others to join us on some side of a decision or situation.

Think how valuable it would be to improve your skills at being able to persuade others and how hat would help you with getting what you want.  Below are four things that can be done to improve your skills in this area and decrease the potential for resistance.


Don’t Ask, Tell
When we want something, we can often find ourselves asking for permission or asking for agreement when we could simply turn the question into a statement and increase the odds of getting the response that we want.  Below are some examples.


Question:  Do you want to go to Taco Stand?
Statement: Let’s go to Taco Stand.

Question:  Can you help me get a meeting with Mr. Smith?
Statement:  I am going to need your help with getting a meeting with Mr. Smith.

Question:  Do you want to come over tonight?
Statement:  Come over tonight.


Replace Pressure with Motivation
It can often be our natural instinct to apply pressure toward others when trying to get people to come to our side of a decision.   We apply pressure to drive certain behavior from our kids, our spouses, our significant others, our customers, etc.  And while applying pressure can sometimes be effective with getting what you want in the short-run, the consistency and duration of the preferred behavior can be limited.

An alternative to using pressure to push for the behavior that you want is to understand the psychology and personalities of the people you are dealing with to motivate them to pull the preferred behavior instead of pushing for it.  This is not easy but effort and effectiveness in this area will drive more positive and longer lasting results when it comes to getting what you want.


The Take Away
When someone is not buying into what we are saying or offering, our natural instinct is to push harder and sell more.  But is that the best thing to do?  It may sound counterproductive, but if someone is neutral on making a decision, sometimes it can be more effective to begin to take the option away.

For example, if someone seems indifferent or undecided on something that you are offering, instead of trying even harder to convince them, suggest that maybe it is not the right fit for them and begin to take it away.  Odds are that if they were leaning toward deciding in your favor, when you take it away, they will then be drawn in your direction and you could end up getting what you want.


Understand in Order to be Understood
The concept of seek to understand in order to be understood, written about in Dr. Stephen Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, refers to understanding where another person is coming from in order to have any chance of them understanding your point of view.

When it comes to getting what you want, you will need to get people to agree with you.  In order to get people to agree with you, it can help to have people understand you and that involves understanding where you are coming from.  In order to improve your ability to get people to understand you, share with them that you understand their position and point of view.


Launch Pad Solutions, LLC helps individuals to improve their interpersonal skills with relationship coaching.

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This article was published on Tuesday 12 January, 2010.
Back to main topic: Interpersonal Skills
Confronting Someone Without Confrontation
Using Emotional Spiking to Create Attraction

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